And so time has passed...

For my devout four followers, my apologies for not writing in so long.
I have on been on life and love overload.
And for the first time in my life, I let myself be in each and every moment instead of trying to document it.
(Well, except for my Facebook status update addiction...let's be real.)

Life has been busy and blissful.
I feel that days bleed together with a haze of kisses and cuddly mornings, big dinners with friends, clean kitchen floors, clothes piling up on carpets, and tons and tons of tissues - since I've found myself sick quite a bit lately.

But on days like today where I can breathe through my nose and afford groceries, everything seems right.

Viola is growing rapidly and although we took a bit of a break from one another in February, we seem to be back in action! With walks to the park and mastering animal faces and sounds, it is more and more apparent just how smart babies are.

I also feel that I learned a great deal of compassion and hope in February from when my grandma Sally fell ill with pnemonia. An ordeal that changed us all and seemed to last forever. Hours in the hospital feel like days and days feel like weeks and I watched my poor mother, watch her poor mother and felt entirely helpless.
We hugged, cried and ate the time away. Now that grandma is back in her apartment, it's hard to believe how scared we all were that things were so close to...well, we never will really know.

Summer brings hope of kickball, backyards, barbq's and bike rides. Weddings and well wishes that some day I will get the courage to write. And many, many, many more days spent loving him like I have always dreamed of...

Meghan has planted many things all over the apartment and signs of life are around us every day.
The light shines in from our big, beautiful windows and the sprouts grow taller and taller, reaching for the sky...
When I came home sharing stories of things I had helped teach Viola one day...she said to me..
"See...you like growing things too."

Epiphany and I find joy in early morning and late night conversations. While we shower and brush our teeth, we hollar expressions of joy and sadness from our seperate bedrooms through the hallway...

And Olivia and I?
Well we write one another love letters and call with cries and laughter about hope and loss.
I sleep in her mothers house and cuddle her cat who stays up late when Olivia gets into trouble.
I dream of holding her in my arms, of cocktails and lipgloss.
Of boys we used to crush with looks...

My days of all black uniforms are numbered.
Someday soon I will be free from the smell of curry and crude kitchen staff.
I will wear flowery shirts and leggings, I will be able to be myself...
And the music? It will be what I would listen to on sunny afternoons.


Life my friends.
Is a beautiful, terrifying, fast changing thing.
I am grateful every day for the health of my family and myself.
For my heart and my smile.
For my ability to see the good in nearly everyone.
For the voice I have to sing.

Neko Case singing from the speakers...

Perfect Tacoma day.
The tree is down. We swept up its remains for what felt like hours, green needles everywhere.
Christmas decorations have been put in their propper places.
Portraits are back up. Pink throw on the coffee table.

We partied with the best of the city today at Viola's first birthday.
Artists and mommas, bike riders and glass blowers...
Ate cupcakes and drank cider from plain white mugs.
Got hugs from children we used to be.

We opened the windows and aired out our long beige walls.
There is the sound of something saute'ing in the kitchen.
And I am trying to give into the thought of something real and fabulous.
I am able to not ruin it - I tell myself.
Over and over and over again...

I slept for twelve hours and awoke to gray skies, calls from those I don't see much anymore.
Kept my head to the pillow and emerged...I needed to find a card that made music.
I brought home bagels and orange juice and we discussed "parenting" around the kitchen table.
We walked down city streets recalling days of sunshine.
We let our skin show anyway.

So this is the new year...

Work clothes are washing.
Room is almost clean.
It seemed that my whole wardrobe ended up on my floor.
Nails are done. Had lunch with grandma.
Tomorrow I get to see Carl and Kelsey.
Most importantly, tomorrow I get to wake up to a new year and a fresh start.
I don't think I'm going to make any resolutions.
I just want to continue in living my life in a way that I can achieve a great amount of happiness and peace.
I want to be well, but not wealthy and grateful and gracious towards others.



I pulled up my blinds today and let some light in.
I made a mix this week that is filled with songs that have sorrow and joy in them all at once.
I'm sending it south....
I'm hoping it will bring some comfort to her.
(If I could send myself, I would)
Some of them are songs I sing as lullabies to Viola, others are songs I used to sing with my dad.
I'm hoping that with this New Year that he and I will make music together again.
He doesn't play much anymore, but maybe we can change that.
I also got my flute back and need to find my own musical abilities so I can serenade the ghetto with what sweet songs I can master playing.



Some new years past...
three years ago:
This apartment building, just one floor up and one unit over.
Champagne. Epiphany, Megan, Pat, Nathan...fireworks in the street.
Christmas tree was still up.
We danced on the hardwood floors.

two years ago:
Olivia and I wandered around down talking to boys that would later break our hearts.
We retired early. Drank sparkling apple cider and watched Once.
I'm pretty sure I cried. We kissed at midnight and I fell asleep before the movie was finished.

one year ago:
Epiphany was in Asia. Kelsey and I were just getting to know one another.
I had started at Gateway but didn't have to work.
Olivia and I, plus one other had dinner.
I feel asleep reading New Moon and woke up the next morning.

This year.
New friends and old ones.
I will work wearing a pink, sparkly party hat.
I will mourn what was lost and embrace what has been found.
I will accept I have mended the friendships that are worth mending and that the others will be what they are.
And that I need to let that go...

I will give my heart to who deserves it and guard it from all others.
I will also accept that decisions I have made have shaped who I am and that I can't waste time regretting.
I will love love love love love until I can't love anymore.

After Christmas...

Although I am not staying at home right now, I am dreaming about our apartment coming back to normal from the Christmas craze. When I was last there the Christmas tree was dry and dead, but still looked beautiful with all our ornaments on it. We have new gifts that has made our perfect apartment even more unique and special. Including a gift from Megan, a framed white piece of paper that says in gold "Everything Will Be Just Fine". She also has this tattoo'd on her arm. It will be a good reminder I think.

I am adventures of house and dog sitting until the 30th.
I love this house. It's old but redone and the walls are painted strong colors and each room is full of light.
And the bed is so comfortable, which always helps when you are sleeping away from home.
The dogs are a little crazy. One jumps so high that I fear he's going to get over the baby gate that keeps them in the kitchen. Its rather impressive really.

I am drinking pomegranate tea and fighting off my cough.
Ready to get dressed and spend the rest of the day with sweet Viola, who always reminds me that life is something to be valued and enjoyed. Through the eyes of an almost one year old...
Where everything is amazing and new!!!

Time to move on and feed Yertle the turtle...

Getting started...

Oh goodness. Where to begin?

I'm not sure if I'm clever enough to write about my own life in a way that anyone other than my mom will find interesting, but I'm going to try.

The year is coming to a close and so much has happened I find myself unsure of where to begin.
What I need and want...what I think about everything that goes on from my day to day.

I think of a year ago, Epiphany was in Asia, Olivia was still living in Tacoma, I had just moved back home and had just finished up my first quarter back at school and it was so snowy that my first night at Gateway I drove home in what must have been five inches of snow.
So much has changed, but still so much feels the same.

I just want to put what I see as special out there, for all of you to see.