So this is the new year...

Work clothes are washing.
Room is almost clean.
It seemed that my whole wardrobe ended up on my floor.
Nails are done. Had lunch with grandma.
Tomorrow I get to see Carl and Kelsey.
Most importantly, tomorrow I get to wake up to a new year and a fresh start.
I don't think I'm going to make any resolutions.
I just want to continue in living my life in a way that I can achieve a great amount of happiness and peace.
I want to be well, but not wealthy and grateful and gracious towards others.



I pulled up my blinds today and let some light in.
I made a mix this week that is filled with songs that have sorrow and joy in them all at once.
I'm sending it south....
I'm hoping it will bring some comfort to her.
(If I could send myself, I would)
Some of them are songs I sing as lullabies to Viola, others are songs I used to sing with my dad.
I'm hoping that with this New Year that he and I will make music together again.
He doesn't play much anymore, but maybe we can change that.
I also got my flute back and need to find my own musical abilities so I can serenade the ghetto with what sweet songs I can master playing.



Some new years past...
three years ago:
This apartment building, just one floor up and one unit over.
Champagne. Epiphany, Megan, Pat, Nathan...fireworks in the street.
Christmas tree was still up.
We danced on the hardwood floors.

two years ago:
Olivia and I wandered around down talking to boys that would later break our hearts.
We retired early. Drank sparkling apple cider and watched Once.
I'm pretty sure I cried. We kissed at midnight and I fell asleep before the movie was finished.

one year ago:
Epiphany was in Asia. Kelsey and I were just getting to know one another.
I had started at Gateway but didn't have to work.
Olivia and I, plus one other had dinner.
I feel asleep reading New Moon and woke up the next morning.

This year.
New friends and old ones.
I will work wearing a pink, sparkly party hat.
I will mourn what was lost and embrace what has been found.
I will accept I have mended the friendships that are worth mending and that the others will be what they are.
And that I need to let that go...

I will give my heart to who deserves it and guard it from all others.
I will also accept that decisions I have made have shaped who I am and that I can't waste time regretting.
I will love love love love love until I can't love anymore.